Friday, December 17, 2010

How to Create Charisma

How to Create Charisma in four easy steps!!!

1. Create ego. Before you can gain real confidence, you have to fake it. But that is what a ginormous ego is for!! Start listing every tiny thing about you that you can stand and put it on the "AWESOME THINGS ABOUT ME" list. Eventually, you will realize the scope of your awesomeness and your ego will grow.

2. Create positiveness. You have to be able to keep going if your evil plots are foiled; learn to give a laugh (preferably an evil chortle) and know that you are more awesome than any lame ass hero and will live to conquer them at some undetermined point in the future.

Remember to compliment others. Your people will rise up for you against an enemy more out of love than fear! Your underlings need encouragement and they need to bask in the glow of your awesomeness. The worse thing to happen to your plans is for one of your minions to leave and tell your secrets. Make them want to stay with you. If you really can't muster good feelings in others, shock collars are an option as well.

And finally, enjoy yourself. It shows if you are just going through the motions. If you are no longer enjoying yourself, find a new way of doing things. It might just be that you need a different perspective. Most of the joy in life is expressing yourself. Have fun creating your signature behaviors!

3. Create self esteem to bolster your ego. By this point you should actually be starting to like yourself. You know you are awesome, that you will foil your enemies, and those around you admire you. This bolsters your huge ego by holding it up with more than just hot air.

People are really drawn to those who like themselves. Most people want to be told what to do and if you like yourself, they will like you, entirely because you do. Liking yourself creates a trend that, like gravity, draws people in to you. Also, like gravity, it makes it harder for them to escape. If they try, don't hesitate to use shock collars.

Remember, anyone who fails to admire you is obviously an idiot or so neurotic that they fear how bad you make them look.

4. Take joy in life. If you have the first three points down, joy just happens. Everything you do is great fun if you are positive and full of ego and self esteem. People cannot help liking you and this is fun too. Joy is taking delight in yourself and the world around you.

Don't listen to anyone that says if you are positive and happy you have to do "good works". You can kill and destroy from a place of love. In fact, I cannot imagine a better place from which TO kill and destroy.

Congratulations! With these four attributes, people will flock to you. They will beg to be your minions and will enjoy doing your bidding!


jdmimic said...

Lol, awesome. The first chapter of the Manual for Evil Overlords.

Abifae said...

*giggles* I really just wanted to explain to a friend how to get some self esteem and make friends...


It just HAPPENED. Write write write. Evil Overlord Manual. *shrugs*

Jon A.S. said...

Hahaha...that is soooo do have the tremendous awesomeness...just like the Jonas!!!