Monday, October 27, 2008

autism as a gift

I read something really neat, from The Miracle of Mindfulness that I'm going to blog about later. "True mind is our real self; is the Buddha: the pure oneness which cannot be cut up by the illusory divisions of separate selves, created by concepts and language." It reminded me that many cultures see autism as a gift from god, that the inability to speak means the person is closer to god. Words separate us.

I find it interesting that so many cultures are able to see autism as a gift, and so many others see it as a disability. I also find it interesting that autistics have an easier time finding their niche in smaller communities than in large cities, where they simply get lost in the large numbers of people.

The definition of diversity keeps changing and growing in this country and that is a good thing. It used to include only certain physical disabilities. Now it is including more physical and many mental disabilities, as well! Children are far more accepting of the differences than adults and it is easy to see the trend growing.

As time goes on, I think it will be easier for people to see autism as a gift. Probably not for the autistic person being closer to god, but for the other talents we tend to have as a group. We are good at organizing information and looking at things in new ways. It should be possible to fit even lower functioning autistics into a task that they can do to earn money and find a place in society. It can be as simple as helping to sort mail or deliver messages, or something more complicated like going through code to find discrepancies.

Most important, though, is that having less access to language and communication allows us to explore the world in other ways; to cast aside the illusory divisions of language and culture and to embrace people at a deeper level, and to appreciate all life at a deeper level.

While many people spend their entire adulthood trying to learn to discard social stricture, we grow up free from it, able to see what they are looking for with much less effort. Perhaps we are closer to "god", or perhaps it is the false masks of society that draw others away from Nature so that they forget who and what they are.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


I found myself having to explain what a crowd meant to me. A friend is inviting me to his Halloween party and I want to go if I finish my costume. However, if I am having an overstim-rific day, I'll have to decline.

He explained that there would only be about ten people, including me. That is when I realized that my view of "crowd" and his didn't match. Every person I am near has a smell, a voice, and actions. That is a lot of input! I do best in crowds of four. Or fewer. Fewer is best. Two is nice.

I don't think that NTs are very aware of their senses unless something is overwhelming. They don't recognize everyone's scent, but are certainly aware if someone has a very strong scent. They are aware that everyone has a voice, but they are able to block out the ones they aren't actively listening to.

Filters are something almost entirely lacking in autistics. Being able to block out one sense, or part of one sense, is something akin to magic to me. I cannot imagine how it works or how it would feel to do it. What do you see and hear if you are randomly blocking stuff? How does it work? Don't you miss out on things?

It's a great mystery to me. Probably as much a mystery as how I manage without any filters is to NTs. They would need the inverse of a sensory deprivation tank to understand it!

Thursday, October 23, 2008


I hate introductions. They are basically small talk and they make no sense.

Nonetheless, I am told blogs should have them, so here goes.

Hi. I'm a high functioning autistic. Actually, I think I am more likely MCDD, but I don't have an official diagnosis yet.

All this means is that I have trouble with social interaction and understanding how normal people connect things in life. I get overwhelmed easily by sensory input. Most importantly, I have a unique way of viewing things because I do not have social conventions helping shape my ideas.

There is a lot of crap out there that people think they know about autism. I am here to tell my truth about it.