Wednesday, August 5, 2009


One reason I don't blog often is because I don't often feel lucid. It's rather difficult to focus down enough to write about autism and studies and things I am studying. I understand it, in my head, but being coherent when trying to explain what I know is a very different story.

I firmly believe that autism, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder are closely related. Possibly the same disorder that just presents in different ways, depending on the fetus development. They have so many overlaying features, hallucinations and delusions being part of it.

Many autistics I know will tell me they don't have hallucinations, they just have hyperactive senses that display things long after they are no longer seen. So you see things that are not there? No, I see things that used to be there, because my senses don't let go. I fail to distinguish. Ditto for sounds and smells and other sensory input. Autistics are not allowed to have hallucinations. That is for crazy people like schizophrenics. So we will label hallucinations something else, to keep us from being crazy.

I am most certainly autistic and I freely admit, I hallucinate.

Sure, there are all my curiousities about reality. Perhaps I am seeing into another world and it overlays this one and so it isn't a lack of sanity but a surplus of senses. Maybe so. Maybe that conviction is a delusion. In any case, when the other worlds overlay this one so strongly that I have to work hard to keep this world solid enough to function in, I lose a lot of lucidity.

Being rather feral, I am tossed about by the seasons and the moon. My senses register a wider range than NTs and I spend a lot of time being paranoid and wanting to run.

And then I ignore my blog until I am lucid enough to right. Or until I've run off enough extra energy to focus a bit. I walked about four miles under the full moon and can almost think in a straight line. Exercise always helps me focus.

In any case, poor neglected blog. Had to write something. My writing of late is fragmented, not remembering how to use all the words. Verbs and nouns are all speech needs. Feral speak, I consider it. So here are some words.

Perhaps I'll write more about the worlds in my head at some point.