I am now on an evening shift. 3-10. I love the hours. I can sleep in til a decent hour and still fit in my yoga and dance practice with my friend.
The only negative is figuring out dinner. If dinner is around 7... that means all my weekday meals end up having to be crock pot or precooked. This isn't the end of the world, but I'm still getting my schedule matching to do this.
I am growing, which means hormones, which means my autistic little brain is in short circuit mode. Which means that it is being absurdly difficult for me to wrap my brain around the new shift. It really isn't difficult to cook for but I'm just having issues with it. Hopefully I'll get myself sorted out soon. I have these lovely menus and I have the same days off still. So I ought to be able to do the menu on Thursday, like I have been all year - no change! - and make this work.
I don't know what my issue is with it. Silly brain. Must beat it now.
I managed to have one of my weird seizure episodes without any jaundice!! This is rare indeed and shows that the diet is effective. This is a huge bonus in my life. The entire point of my exceedingly strict, low carb diet is to take the stress off of my liver the rest of the month so that these episodes don't shut it down. Jaundice gets old, fast.
Ooh! I nearly forgot, my low carb ice cream was fairly successful! I made custard (eggs, cream, stevia) and put it in the ice cream maker. Added some chopped bittersweet chocolate towards the end... Needs a little bit of work but I was satisfied. More imporantly, I am confident that a carb-free or very low carb ice cream is possible and quite simple. Hoorah!
It is, of course, as is the rest of my diet, far more expensive than doing it the usual way, but health and good food are worth the extra expense, yes? I figure it is still cheaper than health insurance and medication. I'm getting more stable through good diet and it isn't going to destroy my organs. In fact, it seems to be improving my liver and kidneys. Let's hear it for paying attention to the body!
I'm slowly adding more recipes to my recipezaar site. A cookbook cannot be far behind! So long as by "far behind" you mean "sometimes in the next ten years". If that's the case, I'll be right on time! My Auntie Zilla needs to get me more test recipes! I'll blame her for my lack of cookbook. Ha. It's good to have someone friendly to blame :)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
wow! a post!
I haven't written in quite a while because everything keeps changing, and I've been busy trying to deal with it. All change is bad, even when it's good.
I have moved, had a schedule change after several weeks of too few hours, and dealt with friends moving away. Most of the changes have been good, but it's still a strain. I'm still adjusting to my new shift at work, but I love the new shift. It is later in the day so that I have more time for dance and yoga, which means I am better focused all together. I am still trying to get the timing right on cooking so that we all have dinner, but I work 3-10 now so it'll be another week, probably, before I really get into the swing of things. I foresee much crock pot and pre-cooking and freezing.
Speaking of my favorite hobby, I want to learn to make exquisite bento boxes! I'd been doing bento for my roommate for work, but I want to make “kawaii” bento, the cutesy version. Since I can't eat rice, I'll have time to collect supplies while I collect people to cook for. My hours are picking up again so it shouldn't be too hard to afford a few rice moulds and punches for seaweed for decoration. I'll start posting pics here as I make them.
I'd love to be able to send my nieces off to school with proper obnoxiously cute bento, but I live a few hours away. So I'll have to figure something out. Luckily, I have friends in town to experiment on. Bwahahaha. And maybe on weekends when we visit, I can leave a few bentos with my nieces. Since I am planning on more frequent visits, hopefully they'll get lots of bento treats.
I have moved, had a schedule change after several weeks of too few hours, and dealt with friends moving away. Most of the changes have been good, but it's still a strain. I'm still adjusting to my new shift at work, but I love the new shift. It is later in the day so that I have more time for dance and yoga, which means I am better focused all together. I am still trying to get the timing right on cooking so that we all have dinner, but I work 3-10 now so it'll be another week, probably, before I really get into the swing of things. I foresee much crock pot and pre-cooking and freezing.
Speaking of my favorite hobby, I want to learn to make exquisite bento boxes! I'd been doing bento for my roommate for work, but I want to make “kawaii” bento, the cutesy version. Since I can't eat rice, I'll have time to collect supplies while I collect people to cook for. My hours are picking up again so it shouldn't be too hard to afford a few rice moulds and punches for seaweed for decoration. I'll start posting pics here as I make them.
I'd love to be able to send my nieces off to school with proper obnoxiously cute bento, but I live a few hours away. So I'll have to figure something out. Luckily, I have friends in town to experiment on. Bwahahaha. And maybe on weekends when we visit, I can leave a few bentos with my nieces. Since I am planning on more frequent visits, hopefully they'll get lots of bento treats.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Yikes! New Computer!!
I have been needing a new computer for my job since I started my job. They upgraded almost immediately after I started, thus making my system obsolete. I've been saving up to get this since I got my first paycheck. I finally was able to get my new system. 3.01 GHz and 4 GB of RAM. 500 GB memory. So this is fantastic.
Nonetheless, when I got it set up for work I panicked. When they removed my VPN from my laptop I panicked more. And I was nearly in tears getting ready to use my new computer.
Why? Because All Change Is Bad, even when it is good, and when one is expecting it.
Luckily, I found this very amusing. If you can't laugh at yourself, you'll never get the joke! And autistics are funny as hell. Flap flap. New computer! Oh noes!
Despite the fear and panic and flapping, today went very well with the new system. It was wonderful to have less lag and fewer other issues. Life is happier! Which I knew beforehand or I wouldn't have gotten the new system. Which makes the panic that much more amusing.
So now we can all have a good laugh and watch Abi panic at the upcoming changes in her world!
Nonetheless, when I got it set up for work I panicked. When they removed my VPN from my laptop I panicked more. And I was nearly in tears getting ready to use my new computer.
Why? Because All Change Is Bad, even when it is good, and when one is expecting it.
Luckily, I found this very amusing. If you can't laugh at yourself, you'll never get the joke! And autistics are funny as hell. Flap flap. New computer! Oh noes!
Despite the fear and panic and flapping, today went very well with the new system. It was wonderful to have less lag and fewer other issues. Life is happier! Which I knew beforehand or I wouldn't have gotten the new system. Which makes the panic that much more amusing.
So now we can all have a good laugh and watch Abi panic at the upcoming changes in her world!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Spring Cleaning!
I actually wax enthusiastic on Spring Cleaning.
I love going through everything and getting rid of stuff I don't need, giving the house a good deep cleaning (I do Autumn Cleaning too), and letting the musty smells of winter escape out open windows with the brisk March winds!!
There is something very satisfying about clean. Most chores aren't necessarily *fun*, but they are definitely worthwhile when I see the results.
Oddly, I actually enjoy dishes (I do them all by hand) and laundry (hanging them out on the line, folding them, making them fit into drawers in happy tetris like efficiency). The other chores I'm certainly willing to do, but it isn't with as much joy.
In "The Miracle of Mindfulness" there is a time when a man is told, "There are two ways to do dishes. You can do dishes to get clean dishes, or you can do dishes to do the dishes."
I definitely do dishes to do the dishes. And laundry to do the laundry. I try to live the philosophy in all the other chores, but some are more difficult than others. Today I did clean out the refrigerator to clean out the refrigerator. It was very relaxing.
In a perfect world, I'd be able to drop work this week and spend it all cleaning and have the entire house spotless. However, I have work. And I have roommates who don't really want me running rampant over their areas of the house. So I have to be content with cleaning my kitchen, the living room, and my bedroom. It is good.
I love going through everything and getting rid of stuff I don't need, giving the house a good deep cleaning (I do Autumn Cleaning too), and letting the musty smells of winter escape out open windows with the brisk March winds!!
There is something very satisfying about clean. Most chores aren't necessarily *fun*, but they are definitely worthwhile when I see the results.
Oddly, I actually enjoy dishes (I do them all by hand) and laundry (hanging them out on the line, folding them, making them fit into drawers in happy tetris like efficiency). The other chores I'm certainly willing to do, but it isn't with as much joy.
In "The Miracle of Mindfulness" there is a time when a man is told, "There are two ways to do dishes. You can do dishes to get clean dishes, or you can do dishes to do the dishes."
I definitely do dishes to do the dishes. And laundry to do the laundry. I try to live the philosophy in all the other chores, but some are more difficult than others. Today I did clean out the refrigerator to clean out the refrigerator. It was very relaxing.
In a perfect world, I'd be able to drop work this week and spend it all cleaning and have the entire house spotless. However, I have work. And I have roommates who don't really want me running rampant over their areas of the house. So I have to be content with cleaning my kitchen, the living room, and my bedroom. It is good.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Experimental Food
Happy St Paddy's Day! In celebration of beef sales, I corned my own beef. I cut the sugar and salt in the recipe and added Irish tea. The brine tastes pretty good. Let's hope the results are good too!
For dessert, I started with this recipe, and removed all the sugar. My body's reaction to sugar grows more severe all the time and I cannot even handle agave nectar. I use stevia or nothing. So here is how I did it:
They poofed tremendously! Far more than they had when I'd put agave in. They are also drier, which I was fully expecting. Obviously, further experiment needs done.
I am frosting them with a very simple cream cheese frosting:
Luckily, everyone I cook for approves of experimentation so that I can end up with more foods I'm allowed to eat. Having a strict diet is a pain in the ass if you can't cook.
For dessert, I started with this recipe, and removed all the sugar. My body's reaction to sugar grows more severe all the time and I cannot even handle agave nectar. I use stevia or nothing. So here is how I did it:
- 3/4 cup coconut flour
- 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
- 1 teaspoon sea salt
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 10 eggs
- 2 cups grapeseed oil
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- 1/4 teaspoon mint extract
They poofed tremendously! Far more than they had when I'd put agave in. They are also drier, which I was fully expecting. Obviously, further experiment needs done.
I am frosting them with a very simple cream cheese frosting:
- 8 oz cream cheese
- 1/2 stick unsalted butter
- 1/2 t stevia
- 1/2 T vanilla
- 4 oz chopped mint leaves
- 1/2 bar of 100% cacao unsweetened chocolate (3 oz?) - melted
Luckily, everyone I cook for approves of experimentation so that I can end up with more foods I'm allowed to eat. Having a strict diet is a pain in the ass if you can't cook.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Goodbye Old Friend
My best friend passed away Tuesday. She is one of the most amazing people I've ever known and I will always miss her. To know Darya was to love Darya. I don't know of anyone who felt anything negative toward her. She was just such an open, loving, caring person that everyone felt drawn to her. Even her nurses are going to her memorial.
She was diagnosed with cancer in August of '08 and I've spent every weekend I could since making sure I told her everything that I knew I'd want her to know (I called weekly and anyone who knows my phone aversion may now be shocked). Mostly how much I loved her, but also all the little things. About me and all the things I was hoping for and thinking about. About death and her joys and fears. About her family and how they would cope. We joked about her being so wonderful the gods wanted her back (I told her she wouldn't have gotten cancer if she'd been more of an asshole so the gods would have ignored her). We discussed the things she would learn if there is something after this life, and my envy of that. I'm not sure there was a topic we didn't cover in the last six months. Not that I've ever been shy about telling her anything and everything.
Apparently, I was the only person who was just talking to her like a friend. Most people, it seems, were scared of her dying. Not of her being ill, but of death itself. Death has never bothered me. She was unafraid of death. It's the most natural thing in the world. We're all going to die. I could die walking out my door tomorrow and being hit by a car. The only difference was that she had a more or less time frame for her demise. I think they were mad at her for leaving them, too. As though she chose cancer.
I feel lucky that I knew I had only so much time with her so that I had a chance to tell her how I felt about her and how much I'd miss her. I know I'll cherish all the time we did have together and I can't imagine that I will ever stop missing her. She's one of three people who know me and understand me and love me, that I never feel alien or awkward around, and who I feel real around.
Mourning is all about selfishness. I'll be alone now. I won't have Dar to talk to. I won't be able to do things with her... me me me. But that's not a bad thing. Mourning is important. You have to adjust to someone not being there anymore and learning that you can be okay without them. However, I don't cope well with people getting weepy about her death who never knew her. I think it's weird and invasive. They can't miss her, they didn't know her. I've been told that it reminds people that they will die, and their loved ones will die, and this makes them sad; some people over-empathize, and others just need the drama. If I squint just right, I can make sense out of the empathy.
I am pretty angry about the situation. Not at Darya. At her "friends". It seems to me that most of them expected her to take care of them forever. She was that sort of person; the one that people turn to for comfort and for help. But when it came down to it, those people didn't turn around and give back. I doubt she ever regretted giving, but I know for a fact she felt bad that people didn't give to her.
One of the things we talked about was that no one was willing to pitch in and help her when they thought she was just tired. Once she had Cancer, well that was something real. And scary. So they backed quietly away. I don't understand that at all. I think love means something very different to me than it does to most people. For everyone who said they loved her and cared about her, very few people came through for her when she needed them. Her family was there, despite their fears and grief.
Realizing now that the last year she was probably getting sicker and sicker, it is easy to understand why she was needing more and more help around the house and had so little energy. I tried to get to her house at least a couple times a month to help her catch up laundry and do little chores, cook her dinner... Just be with her and help her out. I didn't know she was sick, but it never matters to me. My people are my people and I will do anything I can to make their lives easier. I thought she was just worn out from raising two kids and having her husband on the road trying to keep food on the table. That seemed like plenty enough reason to me to help her out. Knowing what I do now, I am even more glad I took the time I did to help where I could. It never seemed like much - work took so much energy - but I know it made her happy.
But it is why I won't go to her memorial. I seriously doubt my ability to be polite to her "friends" who are so sad she is gone and wish they'd had more time with her. Where the hell were they the last six months, then? Where were they the six months before when she was getting sick? As far as I can see, they wanted her when they needed something but when she needed them, they had better things to do. But the death is too new for me to make a scene and make it harder on her family (who *were* there for her, so they deserve better).
So here is my memorial to Dar: You are the mother goddess incarnate. You are love and growth and understanding. You are springtime and early summer. You were my balance. You will be missed.
She was diagnosed with cancer in August of '08 and I've spent every weekend I could since making sure I told her everything that I knew I'd want her to know (I called weekly and anyone who knows my phone aversion may now be shocked). Mostly how much I loved her, but also all the little things. About me and all the things I was hoping for and thinking about. About death and her joys and fears. About her family and how they would cope. We joked about her being so wonderful the gods wanted her back (I told her she wouldn't have gotten cancer if she'd been more of an asshole so the gods would have ignored her). We discussed the things she would learn if there is something after this life, and my envy of that. I'm not sure there was a topic we didn't cover in the last six months. Not that I've ever been shy about telling her anything and everything.
Apparently, I was the only person who was just talking to her like a friend. Most people, it seems, were scared of her dying. Not of her being ill, but of death itself. Death has never bothered me. She was unafraid of death. It's the most natural thing in the world. We're all going to die. I could die walking out my door tomorrow and being hit by a car. The only difference was that she had a more or less time frame for her demise. I think they were mad at her for leaving them, too. As though she chose cancer.
I feel lucky that I knew I had only so much time with her so that I had a chance to tell her how I felt about her and how much I'd miss her. I know I'll cherish all the time we did have together and I can't imagine that I will ever stop missing her. She's one of three people who know me and understand me and love me, that I never feel alien or awkward around, and who I feel real around.
Mourning is all about selfishness. I'll be alone now. I won't have Dar to talk to. I won't be able to do things with her... me me me. But that's not a bad thing. Mourning is important. You have to adjust to someone not being there anymore and learning that you can be okay without them. However, I don't cope well with people getting weepy about her death who never knew her. I think it's weird and invasive. They can't miss her, they didn't know her. I've been told that it reminds people that they will die, and their loved ones will die, and this makes them sad; some people over-empathize, and others just need the drama. If I squint just right, I can make sense out of the empathy.
I am pretty angry about the situation. Not at Darya. At her "friends". It seems to me that most of them expected her to take care of them forever. She was that sort of person; the one that people turn to for comfort and for help. But when it came down to it, those people didn't turn around and give back. I doubt she ever regretted giving, but I know for a fact she felt bad that people didn't give to her.
One of the things we talked about was that no one was willing to pitch in and help her when they thought she was just tired. Once she had Cancer, well that was something real. And scary. So they backed quietly away. I don't understand that at all. I think love means something very different to me than it does to most people. For everyone who said they loved her and cared about her, very few people came through for her when she needed them. Her family was there, despite their fears and grief.
Realizing now that the last year she was probably getting sicker and sicker, it is easy to understand why she was needing more and more help around the house and had so little energy. I tried to get to her house at least a couple times a month to help her catch up laundry and do little chores, cook her dinner... Just be with her and help her out. I didn't know she was sick, but it never matters to me. My people are my people and I will do anything I can to make their lives easier. I thought she was just worn out from raising two kids and having her husband on the road trying to keep food on the table. That seemed like plenty enough reason to me to help her out. Knowing what I do now, I am even more glad I took the time I did to help where I could. It never seemed like much - work took so much energy - but I know it made her happy.
But it is why I won't go to her memorial. I seriously doubt my ability to be polite to her "friends" who are so sad she is gone and wish they'd had more time with her. Where the hell were they the last six months, then? Where were they the six months before when she was getting sick? As far as I can see, they wanted her when they needed something but when she needed them, they had better things to do. But the death is too new for me to make a scene and make it harder on her family (who *were* there for her, so they deserve better).
So here is my memorial to Dar: You are the mother goddess incarnate. You are love and growth and understanding. You are springtime and early summer. You were my balance. You will be missed.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
New TShirt
I've always wanted to get this shirt, but I hadn't been able to afford it. However, TShirt Hell is going out of business, so I had to grab it before it was gone!
So now I can wear my new shirt with pride, knowing that I rock! And sometimes I flap and bang my head into things! But that doesn't scan as well.
So now I can wear my new shirt with pride, knowing that I rock! And sometimes I flap and bang my head into things! But that doesn't scan as well.
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